


home is whenever i’m with you

by idasgaybullshit



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Parents, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Sexual Assault
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 02:01:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30098589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idasgaybullshit/pseuds/idasgaybullshit
Summary: Remus didn’t think he’d ever make more friends than the few girls he had, but when he was dragged to a party he doesn’t only find new friends, he finds love.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom/Frank Longbottom, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

remus lupin hated party's.

no, not because of the loud music, or the drunk people, or because he couldn't dance, no. he hated it because it meant people would come up to him and try to talk to him and he would freak out and have an anxiety attack.

he absolutely hated things that involved a lot of people. he was happy with the people he had around him, three annoying girls should be enough to deal with.

this time though, there was no talking himself out of the situation, which he obviously still tried.

„Marls i'm begging you! i still have to finish my analysis and i want to start this new book because my professor said it would be practical to know!" he stood at his roommate's, marlene mckinnon's, door and leaned against the frame while watching her try to tear holes into her fishnets. „and what on earth are you doing to those tights?" he added.

she didn't even turn to him when she said „moony you have time till wednesday to finish the analysis and your professor said it would be practical to know the book for next term and we both know you would finish that book in one night. plus, i told you a thousand times how important this is to alice so if you want to convince anyone, annoy her not me"

just as remus was about to turn around and let out a loud groan, she added „i'm tearing up my fishnets and you should know better than to ask why"

remus tried alice's room next, trying to be calm and sweet to her as he opened the door softly. „hey um aly?"

„yea whatsup?" she smiled at him widely from where she sat at her desk, searching something online apparently.

„would you guys really miss me that much if i wouldn't go?" he asked carefully, trying not to upset aly, but failing as she turned towards him and frowned.

„moony, please i'm asking you just this one time. you know it's important for me" she said, voice still as soft but remus could tell her mood was rapidly falling with having to deal with remus.

„why is it so important again?" a voice from behind remus appeared and promptly mary macdonald was standing next to remus, coming her brown hair.

alice sighed and turned off her macbook and walked to her closet. „i explained it about a thousand times. lily evans was begging me to come to her houseparty and i sort of kinda assured her that i would bring my 3 friends"

„and why is that lily chick so important? you like her?" mary asked, earning a kick to the foot from remus.

aly just looked at them disgusted. „no, she's very straight. she's just really nice and my favorite colleague and i don't want to dissapoint her. and im kind of scared of her." she admitted the last part in a quieter voice.

remus sighed internally. of course he wouldn't want to upset aly any further and knew how much of a pushover she could be at times and if this was so important to her, he would have to stand in a room full of people awkwardly and hope no one talks to him for a few hours.

he turned on his heal and headed to his own room again where he opened the closet to find something to wear. he decided that maybe if he dresses boring nobody would want to talk to him anyway, so he pulled out his corduroy pants and while putting them on, the door opened and marlene strode in casually and fell on remus bed.

„you know what, we should both have a hook up tonight" she huffed out the smoke in her mouth as she played around with the smoke coming from the cigarette in between two of her thin pale fingers. the nails were chipped black and bitten down.

remus turned around just as he pulled his pants up and stared at her in disbelief, before panickly forcing a laugh.

„i'm not joking" she frowned as remus fell down on the bed next to her. she moved her hand down to remus face so he could drag on the fag.

„well, then i'm sorry to tell you but you've gone completely mental"

„come on remus! please? just this one time, you could at least try"

of course she would make him feel guilty. guilty for something that wasn't even his fault nor her concern. „listen marls, i know you love me and want me to be happy and all that, but come on, you must know how absurde you're sounding right now"

„but why? why is it so absurd that you could be like any other 23 year old and have sex once in a while?"

„because i'm remus" he snatched the fag from her hand to finish it. „you know what, no" suddenly marlene sprung up, startling remus.

„you're not fucking remus, youre my moony and you can do what ever the fuck you want and i'm calling moonshadows that you have to at least make out with a random person tonight, because i help you get your shit together the way you help me"

remus looked at her, eyes open wide. he tried to say something to get out of it, but moonshadows was a vow they invented when they were only 14, when marlenes eating disorder first developed. remus would call moonshadows and she would be forced to at least eat a little bit. they would only call it in the worst moments, so there was no backing away from it.

he just stared at her for another few seconds, both wrestling in there heads for dominance, which marlene obviously won, before he stood up, shaking his head.

„well you better hope there's enough booze" he finally said, making marlenes face break out into a huge grin.

after another half an hour of girls trying to find outfits to wear and gossiping about what kind of person remus is gonna end up with, they finally headed out the door and into the warm late summer london air.

„i'm betting my money on a girl" mary said as they crossed the street. „no, a boy all the way. boys always come up first. girls wait to make a move" marlene answered as they got into the cab. „i dunno, you know how bad drunk girls can get" aly added. remus stayed silent, working the best way to survive the party in his head.

a lot of alcohol

was the answer to that question.

when they finally arrived, remus could already hear music and people from downstairs, the noise got louder the closer they got to the flat and when they finally arrived, they were standing in a very big flag filled with way too many people.

remus immediately grabbed marlenes hand and she was quick to pull him with her in the direction alice went. they stopped in front of a window sill where a red head and two brown haired boys were sitting. one was sitting on the window sill, the other had the red head in his arm and was sitting on a couch below the sill.

„omg hi alyyy!" the red head, who was obviously very drunk, free'ed herself from the boy and hugged aly tightly, before she turned to the other three. „this is mary, marlene and remus" she nodded over to the others and lily smiled widely „i'm lily" . it reminded remus a bit of als and he could see why the two got along.

there was a cough behind lily, making her jump and turn around before she noticed what she was meant to do. „oh right! sorry, this is james, my boyfriend and that git over there is sirius"

„oi!" the boy said, before his eyes uninterestedly flew over the four people in front of him, but then lingered on remus.

remus almost didn't want to look back at him, but it felt like sirius was forcing him to look straight back at him, and so remus let himself get observed while he looked down at sirius.

white shirt, black pants, shoulder length brown hair. tattoos on his arms and chest, could be more further down. remus always wanted tattoos, but he was way too scared to get any. fag was hanging loosely in sirius hand, he had black nailpolish, just like marlene. remus eyes trailed back up and suddenly sirius eyes met remus. they were grey, but still sort of glowing and piercing through the dim atmosphere. he felt a rush of excitement but when sirius eyes slipped to where marlene and remus where holding hands, his head turned towards the window again and remus could've sworn there was a small eyeroll as sirius dragged on his cigarette.

before he could even react to whatever just happened, he was pulled away from marlene and pushed towards a door, which revealed a kitchen.

„now let's get you drunk" marlene said as she purred him a cup of some sort of liquor, which she mixed with sprite and handed it to remus. he murmured a thanks and leaned against a counter, downing the cup in one go.

marlene didn't even say anything as she refilled his cup and grabbed his hand once again to push him out into the crowd.

„let's just sit down somewhere okay? we don't have to search for anybody yet, let's just chill alright?" she half screamed in his ear to over sound the loud music as she pulled him towards an empty couch where he gladly sulcks down in and lets marlene rest her head on his chest.

he observed the people around him. he didn't know anybody, except for mary, who was of course already grinding onto some ginger and alice who was apperently still in conversation with lily and her boyfriend. his eyes landed on sirius once more, who was still smoking out the window, but unfortunately sirius eyes roamed the room and fell on remus while remus was observing him.

first, there was no expression, just like when sirius eyes wandered over remus earlier, but once again as soon as his landed on marlene cuddeling up next to remus, his expression changed to that same annoyed look and he turned back to the window once again.

what did that boy have against marlene? of course she may look different than someone like mary, but it wasn't like she would ever try to impress any man anyways so that didn't matter so why was he so mad at her? maybe he was homophobic..

„i don't like this lily and her friends" he abruptly said. marlene looked at him confused „why is that?"

„i think that they're homophobic, or at least that that sirius bloke is"

marlene moved from where she was resting against remus to stare at him, before letting out one of her loud laughs. 

„moony, sirius is gay!"

„what? no he isn't."

„yes! have you seen him?"

„you shouldn't judge people based of-"

„oh shut it everyone does! besides what would make you think he's homophobic in the first place?"

„he keeps looking at me, then at you and then turning around annoyed and all mad, as if you would've done something wrong"

marlene stared at him, before clapping her hand over her mouth dramatically. „oh my god moony, i mean i knew that you were hot, but i didn't expect the first single person to be into you!"

„what? hes not into me!"

„dude, he was checking you out and then he saw me all cuddled up on you and thought we were dating, although i can't see how anyone wouldn't be able to tell that i'm a lesbian"

„what? he- oh" remus eyes flickered over to sirius once again. he hadn't even considered how handsome the man was, seeing him as clearly out of his league, but now he saw it, observing him once again.

marlene chuckled „you're an idiot sweetie". remus just took another big gulp of his cup, his eyes still laying on sirius.

a few songs later, one of marlenes favorite songs came on and she immediately jumped up, leaving remus behind. she asked him if he wanted to join in a quick manor, but he just shook his head and watched as she disappeared in the crowed.

the second cup was empty as well now as his eyes stalked the room, noticing a girl with green hair walking towards him.

oh please no, im not drunk enough for this yet was what he first thought, but as she was almost standing infront of him, even he could make out she was clearly into girls.

„hey, you alright?" she asked. her voice was low and rougher than female voices usually were and he was immediately comforted a bit.

„what? oh yea 'course" he replied, quickly moving a bit to the side so she could sit down next to him.

he immediately noticed the many necklaces around her neck and the rings, one on each finger. „i just noticed you were sitting all alone, your girlfriend left or something"

„why does everyone think we're a couple?" he was a bit annoyed but also bemused by the situation. „i dunno, you guys seemed um, very close"

„the girl has a grown out bleach blonde buzzcut, wears fishnets with holes in them AND has a body covered with tattoos, honestly how can you miss the fact that she's gay?"

„oh, so she is?" the girls lips immediately sprung up a bit. remus smirked to himself, maybe if he got marls a good hook up, she would forget about his.

„yes, very gay, super gay and very single too" he nodded, chuckelling a bit.

„and your just best friends i suppose?"

„yea, more like brother and sister actually but best friends works"

they chatted a bit more about marlene, when she finally came back and was surprised to see a girl sitting next to remus. she was about to just leave them alone when she got waved over by remus.

„hey marls, this is dorcas" he grinned widely at her and she finally got the hint. dorcas wasn't interested in him but in her.

„oh hi nice to meet you!" marlene fell on the couch in between remus and immediately turned towards the girl, immediately picking up how gorgeous she was.

remus quickly slid away and excused himself off to get another drink. opening the kitchen, he was met with a ginger that looked awfully like the guy mary was currently snogging with. he quickly opened the door to make sure they were indeed still snogging and this was a different boy, and when his eyes fell on mary, still in the same position with the same boy, he quickly turned around again.

„you okay?" the other guy chuckled, making remus blush a bit too hard as he poured himself another cup.

„yea sorry, just thought you were someone else" he quickly murmured before bringing the cup to his lips and only stopping when it was fully empty again.

„must've mistaken me with my uglier straight twin" he nodded, watching bemused as remus poured himself another drink.

„trying to get wasted?" he added. „oh um, just, parties are not my cup of tea and alcohol helps a lot" he explained, taking another gulp. the alcohol couldn't wash through his system quickly enough.

„so why are you here then?" he asked interested. „well, my friend, alice, is colleagues with lily, i'm sure you know her, and sorta kinda told her that she would come to the party and bring 3 friends and so i was pushed into coming here and then there was also this thing about having to hook up with somebody but that's just a whole other story but that's why i'm even still here and trying to get wasted so i can just hook up with somebody and get it over with i guess."

oh shit. apperently the alcohol kicked in more than he expected, causing him to brabble on like that. he immediately drank more, because that would definitely safe him.

the ginger just smiled at him, before grabbing his hand and pulling him out of the kitchen. remus was just able to finish his 5th cup as he was dragged onto the dance floor.

„you dance?" „uh no not really-" but before he could do anything, he was already on the in the dancing crowd, two hands wrapped right around his waist as his own snuck around his neck to steady himself from falling.

the drunken state he was in clearly losend some of his anxiety as he was able to sway around to the music and giggle around a bit. he wasn't used to the people he danced with being taller than him.

they danced around for a bit when remus suddenly felt heavy eyes on him and turned to see sirius sitting on a couch with a smaller blonde boy and watching him closely, while muttering something to the other one. he looked horribly annoyed again and at this point he thought he must've done something wrong.

„what on earth does he want from me" he muttered a bit annoyed himself.

„hm?" the boy he was dancing with asked.

„that sirius bloke has been eying me all night" he responded, focusing back on who was in front of him. remus remembered why he didn't drink again, he got way too waisted too quickly and lost control.

„hey could we sit down for a bit? im feeling a bit dizzy" he pleaded, and the boy immediately nodded and grabbed his hand to guide him to a couch right in sirius visual field, but remus didn't notice that at that moment, he just slunk into the couch and closed his eyes, enjoying the dizziness as it calmed down a bit. his eyes were torn open again when he felt a hand on his thigh. „so, about that hook up thing-"

they were interrupted as a girl and a boy moved into their view. it was mary and the twin. „hey moony i'm leaving alright?" she grinned widely and he grinned back and nodded. „have fuuun!"

„moony?" the boy sitting next to him asked. „s'what my friends call me, my real name is remus" he answered. „funny nickname, my names gideon" he said with a grin. something felt weird about the boy, but remus couldn't quite figure out what, so he just ignored it.

„want me to get you another drink?" gideon asked, and already jumped up before remus could even answer „i'll be right back remus" he winked and turned around.

remus sunk back into the couch. he didn't really enjoy the boy, but at least it was something. his eyes traveled over the crowd where they caught sight of a blonde buzzcut dancing with a green haired girl. he grinned as he saw marlene enjoying herself with the girl and he was genuinely happy for her. he wanted her to be happy, so he would do this thing with that gideon boy as well, if she thought it would help him then sure.

his eyes traveled a bit further, trying to find alice in which he failed, but instead caught sight of sirius, who was still sitting on the same couch,alone now, another fag in his hand. but sirius eyes didn't meet remus, they were focused on something different, and remus could soon make out what it was. sirius was eyeing gideon who just came back with another cup that he casually slipped in remus hand. „he's staring at you now, sirius i mean" he grunted as he gulped a bit. he didn't get a response though because when he pulled the cup down, gideo just caught his wrists and pushed them up again „drink up pretty boy" he whispered into remus ear and remus obeyed, gulping every last bit down.

he knew he should've stopped drinking two cups ago, but he couldn't have said no to that , he didn't know how.

next he felt a hand on his thigh again, roaming up and down. he turned his head towards gideon, who was eyeing him with a grin.

„you are quite handsome, you know that?" gideon said. his voice was lower now, it almost felt dangerous.

remus didn't respond to that. he quickly looked back down at his hands that where laying in his lap. he wasn't good at this stuff, why would he? but it was okay because right now it felt like gideon was taking the lead and he would just have to follow.

the hand on his thigh moved up further and squeezed tightly through remus pants into his skin. he whined in reaction and stared right back at gideon. „it's okay, this is good" gideon assured him and he felt safer immediately. „o-okay" he answered. he was too drunk to feel if he was blushing, but the feeling of gideon's hand grabbing tightly and releasing again while working its way up further and more into the inside was clear in his mind. he didn't know what to think of it, he knew he definitely didn't like it while everyone was around to watch, especially that pair of grey eyes that he still felt on him heavily.

getting rapidly more uncomfortable, he murmured a „i need a cigarette" and moved away to quickly walk away. he slid through the crowd uncomfortably and was stopped when a hand grabbed him, swinging him around forcefully. scared of meeting the gingers eyes, he was instead met with a pair of comforting blue ones. „hey moony you alright?" marlene asked, looking concerned.

„im sorry, i cant do it" was all he was able to say before slipping out of her grip and making his way to the door as quickly as possible. he slid outside and quickly walked down the staircase. heart beating rapidly, he finally opened the door and the now very cooled down air hit his face and broke the panic.

he didn't even notice how long he was at the party, but it had been more than 3 hours since he walked through that door for the first time. he felt horrible, breaking the vow, even though it seemed like a childish thing he knew how important it was to marlene and how important it had become to everyone in their flat and he didn't like to break the vow like everyone else does once in a while.

he leaned against the wall and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, which he quickly lid.

this was why he didn't do this he thought he hates it, he would love to just be sitting at home and reading his book in his comfortable couch instead of standing in the middle of a street in london, drunk and confused.

he pulled out his phone and looked at the clock for a quick second, 2:34 am, he thought about what he would do now. he had three possibilities.

1\. go back inside, where a dissapointed marlene, a boy who was trying to get him drunk to hook up with him and many other people he never met where waiting for him  
2\. try to call a cab, which he was sure he had no money for  
3\. call the only person he could always count on

before he could even think further, the door opened and to remus horror, gideon walked out.

„there you are!" he said, immediately placing himself in front of remus. „thought i lost you" he grinned, fixing remus against the wall, his hands squeezing into remus waist. the uncomfortable feeling immediately bubbled up again, but he wasn't able to even say anything.

the boy was staring him down with an evil grin and remus swore that he had never felt so intimidated as the face came closer to his.

next thing he knew, a pair of lips pressed against his and a tongue forced its way in and hands were on body parts he didn't want a strangers hands to be.

he was too paralyzed to push the boy away, even if he could and so he just stood there, shocked and disgusted.

but next thing he knew, the door opened again and suddenly the boy was pushed off of him and when remus opened his eyes, sirius, the guy who was eyeing him all night was throwing a fist right into gideon's face, while his other hand grabs the taller boys shirt to hold him in place.

„what the fuck" gideon pushed sirius off of him as soon as he was able to, but he had a bloody nose and a black eye. „i allow you to come over after all the shit you've put me through and you thank me by making out with the first whore in sight?"

ouch remus thought. he couldn't think straight just that he had to get the fuck out of there. „im not a whore" he murmured while pushing past the two men and walking away as quickly as possible.

he pulled his phone out of his back pocket and quickly dialed the number he hated to dial, but he just had to get the hell out of all of this mess.

-„hello?" a deep voice sounded from his phone  
\- „um hey, it's remus"  
\- „of course it is. send me your location" the  
person huffed and hung up.

less than 10 minutes later, a black care pulled up and remus got in.


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius:

sirius, who was filled with anger just a second ago, now was filled with deep regret. not for punching gideon, that asshole deserved it, but for calling the cute boy a whore. he obviously wasn't one and it wasn't even his fault gid got him so drunk. 

gideon was the one to blame, sirius reminded himself, so he quickly turned around to his exboyfriend once again and said „i know you're trying to make me jealous, but i won't be. so stop being a fucking dick and piss off" he said, before walking back into the flat.

lily immediately caught sight of him and approached him. „you okay? i saw gideon with that friend of alice"

„yea whatever" he shrugged, hoping lily would let it go, which she probably wouldn't. „come on pads i saw how you stared at them, he's not worth it and you know it"

„lily it's fine i don't care about gideon anymore" he walked forward towards the couch under his windowsill.

„fine, but if there's anything i can do, just tell me alright?" 

„alright" he sat down and pulled out another fag. 

he spend the rest of the party sitting somewhere and chatting with people when they approached him until he was able to go to bed. he usually loved parties and crowds, but after lily had told him that his ex-boyfriend was coming, he was immediately in a bad mood.

but now, all he worried about was remus. the moment he saw him, he was completely mesmerized, stupid as it sounded. he had seen many handsome men, but not one like remus. something about the way his curly brown hair flopped down into his masculine but soft shaped face, the scar right across his left eyebrow down to his cheek. rest of his body was covered, leaving a lot to his imagination. 

but then he had seen the girl that was holding onto his hand and later cuddling with him, when she left he suddenly hung on gideon. 

he knew now that the girl was gay, as he watched her dance around with dorcas and he also knew that he was barely able to even control what he was doing with gideon because he drank so much. 

but sirius had called him a whore and now remus probably hated sirius and something about that bothered him too much.

he didn't want to be with remus, or more like he couldn't. he wouldn't let himself get through the pain of dating someone and getting hurt again, he didn't need the fact he would probably never see remus again felt absolutely horrible.

he layed in bed that night, cigarette in his hand and staring at the wall and thought about how on earth he would get remus to forgive him, he needed to be his friend, at least. 

but he only knew his name. maybe lily would know more! she told him he could talk to her if he needed anything and she was the one who knew remus friends. 

so he would ask her for remus number, or address? no, that was too creepy. number would be good enough. he would just write a quick apology for scaring remus and calling him a whore. yes, that's what he would do

the next day, he stood up at 11am, thankful for no hangover since he didn't drink anything, and found the flat completely clean again. 

„ahh you're awake, how are you babe? lily said you weren't feeling too good because of gideon. if you wanna talk about it i'm right here" james walked out of the kitchen, coffe in his hand which he immediatly pressed into sirius hand.

„m'fine" sirius drank from his coffee as he sat down on the big couch in the middle of the room, which had been pushed to the side yesterday for the party. james sat down on the seat next to the couch and turned on the tv, while drinking some sort of smoothie. „if you say so" he shrugged. 

„lily not awake?"

„you thought she would be?" james looked amused.

„nah, but i needa talk to her"

„shell be up soon enough, i'm gonna leave in a while. wanna get some extra football practice but i'll be home by 6 and i'll bring some food. kitchens cleaned but completely empty so i'll tell lily to go get some groceries tomorrow" 

sirius only hummed in response staring at the tv where the sports channel was playing. he wasn't really interested in football, not like lily and james, but he pretended to be very invested in the game while his mind was actually focused on remus and he was getting very impatient to finally talk to lily.

after another hour, james had already left when lily finally slumped out of her room in her underwear and dramatically fell onto the couch, laying her head in sirius lap.

„i feel hoooorrible" she sighed even more dramatically. „drink some water and take a painkiller before you go to work and you'll be fine" lily grunted in response, but got up and went to the kitchen. a few moments later she left it again, looking over to sirius while still leaning against the doorframe. „hey lils, remember how you said if i need anything i could just ask you?"

„yea? what do you need love?"

„so, funny story actually. after seeing gideon make out with that friend of alice, i kinda punched gideon and called remus a slut in the heat of the moment and i was just wondering if you could get remus number for me so i could text him that i'm sorry" 

„oh my god sirius you should've told me your were that mad about gid i would've just uninvited him" lily clearly missed the point. 

„i wasn't exactly mad because of gid, i think"

„but why else would you be.. oh!"

„what?" sirius asked confused.

„my god sirius you like remus? i mean i barely know him but alice talks about him a lot, i would've never guessed you would like anybody again in a long time, especially someone like remus!" she crossed over to sirius and sat down on the sofa cross legged, turned towards him. her green eyes were looking up at sirius in an excited but shocked way.

„what?! i don't like remus! i barely know him"

„pads come on. any other boy and you would've barely cared if you called him a whore, plus you've seen other people make out with gideon but you never punched him" 

oh god, what if he did like remus. no, no he didn't. he didn't know him. he just likes him as a person and wants to get to know him as a person. not every guy he meets has to be a potential love interest.

„lily you're crazy, i don't like remus! i just wanna apologize okay? he seemed really offended yesterday and i didn't mean it at all, i was being a dick and i wanna apologize that's all" he explained more to himself than to her. 

„well, if you say so" she said grinning. „i'll get you the number if you drive me to work today."

„in serious lily! i don't like him!" he was trying, but she was already walking to the bathroom and shutting the door infront of his nose before he could talk further.

„fuck you lily!" he shouted, before grunting over to his windowsill (which wasn't really his, they just called it his because it was the perfect smoking spot and the only spot james allowed sirius to smoke at.

he didn't like remus, he didn't. he just doesn't wanna be a dick. he was attractive sure. okay maybe a bit more than attractive, but he didn't even wanna shagg him, he wouldn't ever like remus

he kept trying to convince himself, and he promised himself he would never try anything with remus and only try to be friends. 

half an hour later, sirius dropped lily off at her coffee shop on his motorcycle before driving over to the closest record store, where his friend dorcas worked.

as lily entered the little coffee shop she worked at, she was greeted by alice behind the counter, who was grinning at her widely like she always did.

„hey aly"

„hello lily nice to see you! how are you" 

„m'fine, just a bit hungover" lily moved behind the counter, putting on her apron.

„oh im so happy i didnt drink that much last night"

lily thought about alice last night and realized she didn't see much of her at all. she saw her brown haired friend making out with fabian prewett and her short blonde haired friend with dorcas, but she never saw alice again after she left to go to the kitchen. 

„by the way, where did you go last night, i didn't see you at all!"

alice blushed furiously, lily giggled internally. she never met a girl as adorable as alice. 

„i met this guy, um his name was frank. he showed me around and we ended up sitting in a couch all the way in the back for the rest of the party, we also left rather early" she smiled shyly and lily immediately nodded in understanding.

„frank longbottom? oh hes a great guy! really sweet" she said.

„yes he is, i hope i'll see him again"

„oh im sure of it, frankie isnt the guy who would just go for a night" lily made alice blush even more at that. „why is it that all of you found some sort of person at my party? i saw your blonde haired friend. um, marlene with one of my friends dorcas and mary with fabian oh and remus with um gideon" she said the last part a bit more carefully, not sure if remus had already told them about what had happened.

„i know right!" aly giggled. „honestly though it was pretty clear that mary would find some sort of hook up, i don't think they'll ever see each other again though, marlene was a surprise for me too when i saw her with that girl and remus was a surprise to all of us, he hasn't had a hook up in ages"

„how is he, by the way? sirius said he was pretty offended at what happened"

alice was looking up at her puzzled, while working the coffee machine. „what do you mean?" she asked.

„i meant with the fight and stuff" lily said, confused at the fact that alice was confused.

„wait what fight?"

„you don't know?"

„no..?"

„well, from what sirius told me, he found the two making out outside and punched gideon, because gideon is sirius toxic ex boyfriend, he's an asshole really, and then he also called remus a whore i think, but he felt really bad about it afterwards."

„oh boy, what happened after that?"

„i dunno, guessing remus left because sirius and gideon both came back upstairs a while after that"

„wait, remus didn't go home with the boy?" now alice face was plastered with shock.

„uh no. im very sure that gideon and sirius both came back upstairs" 

alice face turned more panicked. „oh my god, he didn't come back home! we suspected he just left the party with the boy but if he didn't, why didn't he come home?" 

„calm down calm down, it's alright. hes old enough isn't he? i'm sure he's fine" 

„no no no you don't understand, this is remus we're talking about" alice was very obviously panicking now.

„it's okay, calm down. just give him a call alright?" she grabbed alice phone from a counter and gave it to alice, who quickly dialed a number.

remus didn't pick up for a long time, but then finally, lily could hear a very quiet voice come from the phone.

„remus? are you alright? where are you?"

the voice talked, but lily couldn't understand anything.

„youre WHERE? are you fucking mental? remus lupin you get your ass out of there and home right fucking now i won't watch you sulk over there and be im constant danger a second longer!" 

lily had never heard alice talk like that. it must've been really bad.

„i don't care if they're youre family" she said in a more mocking sound. „i'm calling marls right now and she'll pick you up and i swear to god if you're not home when i come from work, i will murder you" 

lily was truely shocked at how angry alice sounded and immediatly met her eyes with concern as she hung up.

„i'm sorry, let me just call marlene real quick" she said, already her calm self again. marlene apparently reacted way worse, as alice had to hold her phone fat away from her ear so marlene wouldn't scream her ear off after she told her that remus was „back at home" 

after a short agreement and alice trying to calm down marlene, she hung up, looking apologetic at lily.

„what happened?" lily immediatly asked.

„remus went somewhere where he's not supposed to be, we have to get him out of there again but i think he'll be fine" alice said returning back to her work.

„oh okay, good" lily agreed. alice sighed deeply, before changing the topic quickly. „anyways, where did you meet frank?"

„oh hes an old friend of james and sirius'" suddenly, lily remembered the thing sirius asked her to do.

„um, alice? i don't know if this is bad timing, but sirius sort of asked me if he could get remus number so he could apologize for calling him a whore. he feels really bad about it"

alice mustered lily for a second. „remus doesnt date" she then said. „i know, i told sirius. he said he doesn't like him like that" 

there was a light sigh, before she nodded and wrote down numbers on a note and handed them to her after.

„so, how was your hook up?"sirius asked dorcas while looking through some records as he stood in the record store she worked at. 

„she was amazing" sirius smirked at her „as a person i mean! not that the other thing wasn't great, but i mean i really liked her. hope i can see her again" 

maybe marlene was another way to get to remus. if dorcas and marlene started dating, maybe marlene would bring remus when they went to bars or to restaurants or stuff like that. 

„you have her number?"

„yea, i haven't texted her yet though"

„why not?"

„don't wanna seem too clingy" she shrugged.

„you're not clingy, just text her. text her right now actually"

„what should i text her though?" 

sirius pulled out a vinyl he was searching for with a grin, before refocusing on dorcas as he walked towards the counter she was standing behind to pay for the record.

„text her ‚hey marlene, i had a real fun time last night. wanna meet up again?' its casual but straight to the point" he pulled out some pounds and handed them to her.

she sighed. „this is way too much money" she said, counting through the pounds. „keep the change" sirius shrugged. „so, text it!" 

„fine fine calm down" she pulled out her phone and quickly typed in the text and send it.

„good girl" he patted on her green hair, earning himself a middle finger before he walked out. „bye honey!" he shouted before leaving the store, cigarette in his hand.

„you won't believe who frank pulled last night" lily said as they all sat down for dinner.

„who?" sirius was munching on his food and not really paying attention. „alice, my colleague!"

„oh?" sirius looked up. james looked just as surprised. „why did they all seem to pull someone at our party?" he added.

„that's what i asked" lily shrugged. „lily? do you have the um.."

„yes yes have it right here" lily rolled her eyes at sirius and pulled out a piece of paper with a number scrabbled on.

he immediately grabbed it and pulled out his phone to type in the number. „oi, no phones as the table" james groaned, but sirius ignored him. „what is that anyways?"

„remus number, you know the friend of alice?" 

„i have the weird feeling that those 4 are slowely dating themselves into our friendgroup" james laughed. „you know what? i think so too. if dorcas starts dating marlene, frank starts dating alice then there's a good chance that the other two are gonna join them aswell" sirius said. 

„and what about you and remus?" james asked a bit confused. „i don't like remus for fucks sake" 

„alright mate calm down i was just asking" james looked a bit hurt and lily quickly explained „i've been bugging him with it all day, seems to always hit a nerve" she shrugged.

„i just want to get to know him. he seems really nice, in fact, they all do. plus we don't have enough gas people in our friend group and we would immediatly have 3 new ones."

„wait marlene, remus and?" james asked 

„alice, she's bisexual" lily explained. 

after dinner, sirius went to his bed and started texting a message.

but one attempt quickly turned into typing out 1000 messages which he kept on deleting again.

he didn't wanna seem like a creep, he just wanted to apologize and to get remus to like him again.

after about 2 hours he finally send something he was halfway happy with and went to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

remus:

after hanging up the phone, he grunted from the bed he was laying in and stood up. he was standing in the room he lived in from age 14 to 19. it was small, didn't have much furniture in it, but back then it was all he had.

he opened the door to find two people sitting on the couch. 

„ah, he has awoken. hm he looks fine to me, tell me remus did father not punish you this time?" the girl said.

„leave it ruby" he said, slumping over to the bathroom. 

„you're an idiot remus and you know it!" the girl shouted back.

after a quick shower, he went back over to his room, earning a few more mean words from the two people.

truth was, he came here so late last night, that everyone had been asleep except for ruby who picked him up. 

but now as he entered his room, dressed in only a pair of pjama pants from when he was 19, he was met with a pair of eyes that scared him deeply.

„fenrir, i-"

„do not speak, my love." the man said to him. „im happy to see you. it's been a while, and i told you you're always welcome home, but you also know i must punish you for leaving us alone for that long"

„yes sir" he nodded, sitting down next to the older man. 

„i brought you here when you were a silly teenager, i raised you and taught you what you needed to know. i told you it was fine to leave, i wouldn't force you to stay if you didn't want to, but you owe me and you will till the end of your days, so i will be allowed to do whatever i want with you"

remus nodded and as the man stood up and hovered over him, he let his mind get taken away and stopped thinking for the next 20 minutes.

when greyback was done and left, remus quickly pulled his pants back up and looked at himself in the mirror. he hadn't got new bruises in a while. sometimes he hated them, but then they reminded him of who he was and who he belonged to and somehow they made him feel comforted. 

he pulled on a hoodie and layed back on his bed, staring at the wall.

his mind was still too fogged up to notice the doorbell ringing half an hour later.

ruby obviously answered, since greyback had already left. she was the oldest, the one in charge. she was also the most similar to greyback. the boy, called jack aspired to be like ruby, but was often too soft and also younger than her. the youngest, chiara, was nothing like greyback. she didn't speak up but helped everyone with taking care of their bruises.

„hello?" ruby ripped the door open to find a girl with blonde short hair, black shorts and a red striped t-shirt stuck into them. she also had a skateboard in her arm. „oh, you" ruby said. marlene stared right back at the black haired girl, dressed in a bra and a pair of tiny shorts. „where is he?" she grunted pushing past ruby. 

she knew that if ruby answered the door, greyback wasn't at home so she could just march in. 

„in his room, where he belongs" she said throwing the door shut behind her.

marlene rushed over to remus room, to find him laying on his bed. „moony? you okay?" she stepped in slowely.

he didn't look up, just stared at the wall. „did greyback see him already?" she asked to where chiara was sitting on a chair in the kitchen.

„yes, he left about half an hour ago" she said quietly.

„oh fucking hell" she said, walking over to remus and slightly shaking him. 

he finally looked back at her. „hey" he breathed out as she pulled him up. „what the fuck happened last night?" she asked as she pulled him up to his feet and walked him out of the room. he stayed silent

„bye remus, see you in a month or so!" ruby said in a provoking voice, eating an angry look from marlene as she walked out with remus.

„so?"

„i dunno, i didn't know where to go" 

„you could've just stayed with me!"

„but i disappointed you"

„remus lupin nothing you could ever do would stop me from wanting you to be safe" she said, looking stearnly up at him. „plus, i realized that it was a dumb idea anyways"

he just shook his head an looked back down. „it's okay sweetheart. well just go home and i'll make you some tea and you can read that book you wanted to read and is girls can tell you about what happened last night alright?"

and they did, they sat down on the couch and drank tea and gossiped about their hook ups, remus told them all about gideon and sirius but alice decided not to mention that sirius wanted to apologize so it would be a sort of surprise when he texted him.

when remus finally layed in his bed, he was just about to go to sleep when he got a message. remus usually didn't get messages, because all his friends lived with him and nobody else would text him, so he opened the message.

whatsapp:  
unknown number: hey, this is sirius black from last nights party. i got your number from lily. i wanted to apologize for calling you that word, i really didn't mean it and it just sort of came out in the heat of the moment. i hope i didn't make you feel bad in any sort of way.

remus read through the message multiple times, his heart beating loudly, and he began to smile. he just now noticed how much the fact that sirius had called him a whore made him feel bad, and grinned widely as a big piece of his negativity left him.

he quickly saved the number and typed back.

whatsapp:  
remus: hi, i really appreciate you texting me. don't worry about it though, i should be sorry for making out with the boy, you obviously seemed to have some sort of history with him and i'm sorry if i hurt you

sirius: oh no, it's not your fault at all. you couldn't have known. gideon was always an ass, you really shouldn't have anything to do with him anymore, he'll hurt you. trust me.

remus: wasn't planning on haha, i don't date.

sirius: good  
sirius: me neither

remus: how come?

sirius: after gideon i just gave up completely on relationships   
sirius: now i just have hook ups, you?

remus: i don't like dating anyone, and i'm shite at talking to boys or girls so i just don't try anymore. i don't need it anyways

sirius: youre shite at talking to boys or girls? how come?

remus: dunno, i just don't really know how to talk to people i don't know, i don't like it.

sirius: haha im the total opposite, i love meeting new people

remus was grinning at his phone the whole time as they texted back and forth for a bit, until he went to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

two weeks later, he was woken up way too early from marlene jumping onto his bed.

„moonyyyyy wake uppppp i don't know what to wearrrrrr"

„to what?" he groaned, pushing her off. 

„i'm meeting up with dorcas, didn't i tell you?"

„oh right" he pushed himself up and stood. „well, let's pick something out then" he walked her over to her room and opened her closet.

„what are y'all doing again?"

„picknick" she said grumbling as she stared into her closet. he picked through her clothes and pulled out a black satin dress. „this" he shoved it into her hand and pulled out her black docs „with this" he said before leaving her room again.

as she left for her date, he was left alone with mary, who was currently anoying him to give her attention while he was trying to study.

„mooooonyyyyyyyy" she was bending over him.

„em' please i need to finish this" he pushed her head away.

„remus you have toooo, you'll be done with that by to night. plus, everyone is coming. it's the first time were together with dorcas and franks friendgroup and you know how much it means to aly and marls for us to get included as well and i can't imagine how that would work out if you don't ever go out" 

remus sighed. of course she would play the guilt card, knowing now remus would feel way too bad if he didn't go.

„fine, but you're staying right by my side the whole time" 

and she did, at first. they were sitting at a table in a bar.

mary was sitting next to remus and remus was of course, getting drunk with her.

it was the first time he saw any of them except dorcas and frank again, who had been visiting regularly ever since they started dating.

james and lily were snuggled close together, just like dorcas and marlene and frank and alice. the prewett twins thankfully didn't come, sparing any sort of awkwardness for remus or mary.

remus was actually having fun, they were all having a nice and casual conversation and he was including himself without any issues.

after some time, he felt a heavy pair of eyes on him, just like he did at the party. when he searched the room for the eyes he stared right back at sirius, who held the eye contact, before moving his eyes down and back up at him. 

he was completely focused on sirius, and didn't even notice when mary talked to him

„moony? remusss" she kicked his foot. „ouch, bitch" he groaned, before turning to her. „can you get me more alcohol pleaseeee" she said, putting on her nicest smile. he groaned, annoyed to have to stop the exciting staring contest with sirius and stood up.

he went to the bar and ordered another cocktail for her and two shots for them, when a person suddenly stood next to him and ordered a few shots himself. he turned around to find sirius standing close next to him. 

this close, he could see sirius long dark lashes, his soft pink lips and his beautiful grey eyes.

he smiled at him shyly but before he could turn around and walk away, sirius hand landed on his arm to stop him. 

he turned around swiftly and looked at him a bit confused. „i- i just wanted to um say sorry again in person" 

„oh no no, it's totally fine, don't worry about it please" remus smiled at him. wow he'd never been this casual with someone he barely knew.

„i really didn't mean it, i was just so mad at gideon" he explained, walking back to the table again.

„i get it, i would've been too. he's an ass. would've punched him right in that moment if i would've been able to" he explained, sitting down and to his surprise sirius sat down next to him now.

„thats actually partly the reason i was so mad. i was um- well.. i was watching you and i saw how he kept giving you more to drink so you would be drunk enough to get with him."

„oh" remus answered 

„sorry if that sounded kind of creepy" sirius looked like he immediatly regretted what he had said.

„oh no, not that. that was just really nice of you" 

„of course! i- i don't know why but i kinda hate the thought seeing somebody use you"

„okay now i really don't know what to say, why are you so nice?" remus chuckled, blushing a bit.

„because you seem like a really genuine person and i like seeing you smile" sirius said, rather quiet.

remus didn't know what it was that he was feeling, but he knew that it felt really nice. he took a shot together with sirius when they arrived and continued talking, conversation seeming to flow easily for them.

„so i wanna ask you something" remus said.

„go on"

„at the party, you kept staring at me, and then you always looked away annoyed"

now sirius blushed „oh um, well, first time i saw you i was actually interested in you and then i saw you with marlene and figured you were straight, then again on the couch, and when i saw you with gideon i was just mad because of gid" he explained out of characterly shy.

„oh okay now it makes sense" remus chuckled, he didn't dare ask if sirius was still interested. he also didn't know what kind of a difference it would make, since sirius only likes one time things and remus doesn't like any things at all. 

„i thought you just hated me actually" he then said.

„what??" sirius looked utterly shocked. „no way, i literally found you so, i don't know, cool the whole time and i really wanted to get to know you and be friends with you" 

sirius though remus was cool? 

„you find me cool?" remus laughed. „yes, youre so, i don't know, theres something about you that gives me the urge to get to know you better and have you around all the time" sirius explained.

remus had never felt so flattered in his life. „well, i can tell you that when i first saw you i was extremely impressed. the whole long hair, tattoos thing is like really intimidating but i felt like you were way too cool for me so i didn't even try to get your attention" 

„well, seems like we both wanted to be friends" sirius grinned widely at remus and remus grinned back just the same. he was genuinely happy.

it got a bit unpleasant when he had to convince mary marlene and alice that they were just getting a long as friends and not as lovers while they were walking home after they're second meeting up with the others this week.

„come on! i saw the way he kept looking at you!" mary said and alice chimed in „i know right! he was like all fixated on moonys eyes and lips" 

„you're imagining things. we both don't want any of that couple stuff. we just wanna be friends" 

„oh moony, some day you'll see it too and then we can tell you that we told you so" marlene swung an arm around remus. 

„sure sure, if that means you'll stop annoying me now" he just said, as they arrived at their flat. 

„you just know we won't" marlene winked at him. „hey, come watch a movie with me, yea?" she then added, pulling him towards her bedroom. „only if we eat snacks while watching" 

marlenes face turned into horror. „we can eat fruit and nuts?" he then added, and she relaxed a bit and nodded.

they snuggled up in her bed together and put on a movie when remus phone lid up. they both looked at it to find a message from sirius 

whatsapp:  
Sirius: wanna meet up tmrw?

„ohh i knew it!!" marlene said. „calm down, where does this indicate that were more than friends? he just wants to meet up?"

„i'm telling you, he likes you!"

remus just grunted in response 

whatsapp:  
remus: fs, when where?

sirius: 3pm, my place  
sirius: lily's got this new video game she's dying to play with me and i know that she won't ever let me stop unless i have some sort of excuse

remus couldn't help but feel sort of disappointed when he read that message, but quickly used it to prove his point to marlene.

„see, it's just platonic" 

marlene just huffed.


	5. Chapter 5

sirius:  
the doorbell rang and sirius quickly called over to james that he should answer the door, because he and lily were in a heated game right now. 

it was one of those days where everyone was lounging at home, which weren't quite often, so sirius always loved them. 

what he didn't love was having to play the same game for hours, so he was looking forward to remus coming and saving him. 

the door flew open and somebody walked into the big open livingroom. sirius quickly turned around and grinned widely at remus, who grinned right back.

their grinning was interrupted from lily „hey remus! whatsup". remus quickly turned to her, as if he was ripped out of trance and started talking to lily, but sirius was still all gone, staring at remus. he looked as perfect as he did at the party, as perfect as he did at the bar a few days ago and at the restaurant they went to yesterday. his hair was, as always, a bit messy because of his curls bouncing into his face, he was dressed in some sort of beige pair of pants as always and a sweater, even though it was still the end of summer.

„...and sirius is losing constantly. he's bloody shit at the game" he heard lily say, now finally ripping him out of his trance.

„i'm not!" 

„yes you are, you've lost the last 6 games" 

„the fact that we've been playing since fucking 8am excuses that, and by the way, i'm gonna excuse myself now, i have a guest" 

lily looked at him surprised. „what? he can watch us? james does it all the time" 

sirius shot lily a from look before standing up from the couch and stretching out. „james! take care of your girlfriend" he shouted to the kitchen, before turning back to remus. „let's go to my room before lily tries to persuade you into playing with her" 

they quickly shut the door and sirius quickly checked himself in the mirror. his hair was up in a bun and he looked like he hadn't sleeped all night, so he groaned.

it was unfair for remus to look that good while he looked like shite, so he quickly opened his bun and shook out his hair, making remus chuckle a bit.

„what?" sirius asked, still flicking his hair around till it looked good.

„giving me a show?" 

sirius blushed and quickly flung himself on the bed while watching remus look around the room.

„you like music?"

„like to play it more" remus shrugged looking through sirius record selection.

„what?" sirius asked, not quite following. he was enjoying the view of remus concentrated face more.

„i play. guitarre and all that. i usually play the songs i listen to, it's just more fun" he said. still not looking at sirius.

„you play? remus, why didn't you ever tell me that? that's bloody cool" 

now remus finally looked at sirius, grinning a bit shyly. „i dunno, don't think it's that mentionable"

„it is! next time we're at your place you have to play for me"

remus huffed, before sitting down on the opposite end of sirius bed.

„don't call me remus" he then added.

„hm?"

„i don't like it, my friends call me moony. my- um my family calls me remus, so i don't really like it" 

„oh okay. why moony though?" 

remus sighed, looking like he was thinking about something, and then quickly moved a bit forward to sirius. 

he pulled down his sweater a bit to reveal a scar under his collar bone, that looked like a crescent shape, just like a moon. 

sirius stared at the patch of skin remus revealed to him, thoughts jumping through his mind, a few were very excited thoughts, since there was not a lot of times you could see any more skin than his hands and face, and the new revealed skin made something in sirius jump, but there were also dark thoughts. remus had all these scars, apperently not only in his face and hands, but all over his body. next to the moon was a long silver line that disappeared behind the sweater material, and there was a lot more scar tissue all over the place.

he was ripped out of those thoughts when remus quickly let the sweater snap back in place and moved away from sirius while blushing furiously.

„w- where did you get those?" sirius asked quietly, and remus just shrugged, looking away really uncomfortably.

there were a few seconds of silence until sirius finally spoke up again. „you can call me padfoot, everyone else does too" 

remus finally met his eyes again, smiling a bit. „why padfoot?" 

„i dunno, back then, when it was only me james and peter, they used to give me random dog related nicknames as soon as they found out my name is based off of the dogs star constellation. somehow padfoot stuck though"

„i like it" remus smiled at him. „by the way, how did your guy's friend group even develop?" 

„moony, youre part of the friendgroup now, it's yours too" sirius smiled „well, you see, first there was only me james and peter, we went to school together with frank. then james met lily in her little coffee and we met the prewett twins through me, dating gideon and all that. dorcas came later, also through me. she works in my favorite record store and i once asked her to hang out since i though she was cool, she though i was asking her out and after a bit of explaining that we're both gay, we got close friend rather quick and i started taking her to all parties and stuff like that." 

„how long did you date? you and gideon i mean?"

„hmm, well, we met freshly after i graduated and broke up about half a year ago, so.. 3 1/2 years?" 

„oh wow" remus said surprised.

„yeah, it was pretty messed up. he cheated on me multiple times and all that but we can't really exclude him from the friendgroup since everyone likes him so much" he said, looking away.

„i'm sorry padfoot" remus said, meeting sirius eyes again. something exchanged between them but sirius couldn't tell what it was.

„well, enough about that git, what about you? who was your partner?"

„oh ive.. never actually had any girlfriends or boyfriends. not serious ones at least. i dated a bit im highschool but nothing over 4 months and after that i was going through some shit and later marlene sorta got me out of my home and let me live with her and her friends. took quite some time till i felt good again and i just didn't have the energy to date anyone"

sirius felt really bad. the thought of remus having to go through shit made him feel as angry as he did with gideon again. „okay, understandable. so how did you and marlene meet?"

„we were friends in highschool, really close ones actually. when i gratuaded and we had to meet out of school more often she realized what kind of shit was going on and then took me to her appartement. later, we met alice because she was searching for an apartment, who brought mary one year later. we're kind of this best friend group that's closer than friends should be. not that anybody sleeps with anybody" he quickly added. „we just um cuddle a lot and are always close together, share all information. the girls literally know when i have to finish which assignment for my literature class and which book i'm reading, which book i wanna read.. all that" 

sirius smiled, that awfully reminded him of lily james and him. „same with james and lily, except for the fact that they do sleep with each other, but not with me" he said.

remus chuckled and sirius learned quickly that he loved causing that sound to come from remus. 

over the next few weeks, they met up regularly, apart from when the whole friendgroup meets. they went to remus place, to sirius place, to lily and alice coffee shop, dorcas record store etc., and slowely everyone was adjusting to them only being close friends.


	6. Chapter 6

sirius:  
as sirius walked into remus flat, past alice who had opened the door for him, he immediately heard a guitar playing some sort of song he hadn't heard before.

„hes been playing all day, don't ask me why" alice explained as he looked at her questioning. remus didn't often play while being alone in his room, especially not in the middle of the day. he liked to play at night or in the evening when most people were asleep already or not at home to listen.

„did something happen?" sirius asked marlene. who just came out of her room, skateboard in her hand. „not that i know of, the doors locked though and he won't talk to me" she said.

before walking past him out the door, she pulled him by the arm a bit to the side. „he gets like that sometimes, you can try and knock at his door, i dunno if he'll let you in though" her voice was just above a whisper.

sirius just nodded and walked over to remus room. 

he knocked carefully, but no response, so he knocked again a bit harder and the guitar stopped, making sirius heart beat faster

„i don't wanna talk marls" a quiet voice said from inside. he's never heard remus be that quiet and cautious since the first time they ever met. over the past weeks, remus had become more and more confident around him.

„i-its sirius" he simply said, expecting to just be send away anyways. if he didn't want to talk to his best friend, there was no way he would want to talk to someone like sirius.

but then, after a few seconds of silence the door clicked open.

sirius heart beat in a deathly quick pace as he opened the door carefully to find remus sitting on his couch, guitar in his hand and starting to play a tune again.

sirius relocked the door and moved to remus bed where he sat down, looking at the pale boy. he was wearing his pjama bottoms with a hoodie, hair even messier than usual and dark eyebags.

remus didn't even look at sirius, he was focused on his guitar alone, playing some sort of melody, but sirius observed. remus was obviously worrying about something, hence the eyebags. after about half an hour, remus finally put down the guitar and looked up at sirius.

„hey" he breathed out. 

„hi" sirius mimicked his voice tone.

„what're you doing here?"

„i was bored n wanted to visit" 

„oh" remus said, standing up and opening the window. it has become colder now that it was fall and a cold breeze of air hit the room.

remus pulled out a cigarette and lit it, sirius followed suit.

„do you wanna talk?" 

„no, not really." remus looked out of the window

„okay, that's alright. wanna watch a movie?" 

„yea" remus nodded.

so after they finished smoking, remus turned on the tv in his room and put in a movie while sirius got comfortable on the bed. „you know you look cute in those pajamas" 

remus turned around to him, looking annoyed, but sirius could see his lips quirking up a bit.

„real nice view i have to say" 

that earned him a flying remote to the head. 

„OUCH! you could've killeed me!" sirius cried out.

„oh shut it, you deserved it" remus was smiling now as he jumped onto the bed and layed down on his side, looking bemused at how sirius was cuddled up in the blankets.

after a night of movies, sirius finally stood up. „sorry mate, i should get going. lily's already texted me 4 times" 

„okay" remus just said, but sirius could tell he was sad.

he stood up and moved to the window to smoke another cigarette, but before he could, sirius grabbed him by the arm and turned him around to wrap his arms tightly around the taller boys torso.

he felt remus be startled for a second, but then quickly pull his arms up to wrap them around sirius neck and drop his head onto sirius.

„thank you" remus whispered and sirius pulled away again and just gave him a smirk. on the inside, he was boiling.

he quickly walked out the room where marlene and alice were sitting in the living room, looking at him expectation.

„he didn't wanna talk about it, but somethings worrying him. he didn't sleep" sirius explained. „i have to head home, but i'll see you girls saturday?"

the girls agreed and he quickly left. his heart still pounding heavily at the thought of the smell of books chocolate and cigarettes that hit him as he hugged remus.

in saturday, remus still seemed a bit off, as they all sat in sirius james and lily's living room, drinking and chatting.

„he didn't come out for a day after that and he still won't talk about what happened" alice explained, who was standing next to him at the window and smoking

„but what could it have been?"

„we think it's um, did he tell you about his home?" 

„no, he mentioned that some shit happened there, but nothing more"

„ah, okay. we think something must've happened with his home and the people there, but i can't explain more as long as he hasn't told you the whole story"

„yea i get it" sirius nodded in understanding before looking over to remus who was currently chatting with dorcas and marlene.

„im just worried" he then spoke up

„we all are" alice sighed.

then lily walked into the living room with multiple shot glasses on a tray.

„shoooots" she shouted and placed it on the table in the middle of the living room.

everyone sprung up and got one but sirius noticed that marlene wasn't taking one.

he walked over to her, already downed his shot and asked her „not drinking tonight?"

„oh no, i don't drink alcohol" she shrugged.

„how come?"

„it's um, it makes you fat" she explained, looking down at her nails.

oh, sirius thought. remus had mentioned something about marlenes eating problems. 

„fair enough, cigarette?" he asked instead. „sure" she looked more comfortable now. as they walked over to the smoking window, he felt remus eyes on him and shot him a quick wink, causing him to blush furiously.

he chatted a bit with marlene, before getting another drink from the kitchen. as he walked in he found remus leaning against the counter with a cup in his hand.

„you alright?" sirius asked while pouring himself a mix of vodka and energy.

„mhm" remus just replied, head held low. sirius got that same protective angry feeling over remus that he felt as always and set his cup down to move infront if remus.

„moony, is someone doing something to you?" he asked, voice stern.

„what?" remus looked puzzled up at sirius. suddenly, sirius felt as if he had drunken a bit too much as dizziness came over him but he took that to his advantage for more courage.

„somethings worrying you and i don't like to see you worried. who is it?"

„nobody" remus tried to move, but sirius quickly put both hands on the counter he leaned against.

„remus stop lying" 

remus stared into sirius eyes and suddenly, he felt the urge to kiss him. he wanted to press his lips onto remus'. he wanted to grab him tight and wrap his arms around him like he did once but instead he pushed himself away and stormed out of the room and into his room where he caught his breath again.

he couldn't feel this way about remus. he was so important to him. he could just shag remus like it was nothing, not remus.

the door opened and james walked in. „hey mate you alright?"

„hm?" he turned around swiftly. 

„you just stormed out the kitchen and into your room and i just wanted to check if everything's fine" james stepped further to sirius and sirius quickly wrapped his arms around his best friend tightly.

james didn't say anything, just hugged him back, before they both walked back out of his room and into the living room. his eyes traveled over the room, and found remus sitting in a corner. he quickly got another shot before he walked over to him and sat down next to him.

„sorry moony, think i drank too much. i didn't mean to snap at you like that" 

„s'ok" remus shrugged. 

„moony" sirius whined, grabbing remus cheek to turn him towards him. „i'm really sorry" he said, staring into remus eyes.

„okay" remus said, before hugging him lightly, making sirius feel that same excitement he felt the first time they hugged. he would do this a lot more often now.


	7. Chapter 7

remus:

whatsapp:  
sirius: come overrrr i'm boredddd

remus: b there in 5 

remus quickly got his keys and grabbed one of marlenes skateboards and his cigarettes, before heading out. he couldn't think of a time where sirius didn't randomly hit him up to hang out. everything was perfect now, nice friendgroup, his study was going great, except for that thing with his home.

fenrir apperently had some problems at work and has been on edge ever since. chiara, ruby and jack were hitting him up constantly to ask if he could come home, let fenrir let it out on remus a bit, since chiara ruby and jack had been punished constantly. remus was fenrirs favorite after all, and he had been asking for remus.

he walked into the flat, which he had a key for now since they had keys flying around everywhere and everyone had one.

„moony!" lily shouted from the living room. „we've missed you" james added, as remus walked in further to find them cuddled up on the couch. he let himself fall down next to them and nicked some of the chips lily had in her hand. „what're you watching?" he asked.

„oh it's this movie about this man who thinks his son and wife died in a car crash-"

„moony!" remus felt something big jump onto him from behind and almost kick him over. „i missed you sooo muchhh" sirius hugged remus right from behind, making him chuckle.

„we've seen each other three days ago pads." 

„still" sirius fell down on the couch next to him after letting him go and layed his head in remus lap, who immediatly pulled his hand up to play with sirius hair.

„he's mad because we don't give him head massages like you" lily said, grinning over to remus. „im only doing it because im scared he might kill me if i don't"

„im pretty sure he would" james said, and sirius nodded while grinning.

suddenly, remus phone ringed again. he had been ignoring it all day, but now everyone looked at him and so he quickly opened it.

whatsapp:  
chiara: rem, you know i wouldn't ask you this if it weren't totally necessary. even ruby's scared of him now

chiara: all i'm asking for is a few days. we all know you're the only one who can satisfy him. you're his favorite. remus please

ruby: hes been asking for you so many times i might actually give him your number if you don't fucking show up tomorrow

the last message freaked him out the most. he panicked and turned to the others. „is everything alright?" sirius asked concerned. „n-no, i have to um c-call somebody" he said and quickly walked into the bathroom and dialed chiaras number.

-„hello?"  
-„can you pick me up?"  
-„send me your location"

the call was ended then and he quickly send the address, before calling marlene. 

-„marls?"  
-„hey sweetie what's up? everything okay?"  
-„i have to leave for a few days"  
-„what? where to?"  
\- „my mums sick"  
\- „youre mum? you haven't talked to her since  
you were 14"  
\- „marlene, she's dying"  
\- „oh"  
-„listen i'll be back soon, tell the others alright?"

before marlene answered, he hung up the phone and walked out again. 

„what happened?" sirius walked up to him and remus wrapped his arms around him tightly. 

„i have to go home for a while" he said, while his head rested on sirius. he inhaled the smell of leather and coffee for the last time in a while. it was his comfort smell, sirius flat his comfort place and sirius his comfort person and he wouldn't be able to see that stupid boy for who knows how long.

he would also miss how lily would propose to james, which she had been planing with remus for the last month. she said that she couldn't talk to sirius about it since he would definitely tell james and so she talked to remus about it. they had it all planned out.

„home?" he asked.

remus didn't answer. he just pulled away and walked out the door quickly. the car wasn't there yet, but he wanted to wait rather outside than with sirius james and lily asking questions inside. 

the car pulled up 20 mins later and he got inside. to his surprise, jack picked him up.

„fenrir was busy with chiara" he explained. „oh" 

they drove the 30 minutes to the remote house and when remus entered, he saw ruby laying on the couch. he could see cuts and bruises on her arms and stomach. he sighed deeply, before sitting down next to her. waiting in the living room would be better, maybe fenrir would be so happy to see him that he would go gentler on him. 

after 10 minutes, fenrir came out. he looked up to see remus, and his face turned up into a big grin. „remus, you have returned?" he asked, walking up to him. „y-yes sir" he nodded. 

the man looked down at him, before grabbing him by the collar. „i'm happy that you did" he said, before dragging him over to his room.

the next 60 minutes we're blurry, but when he heard the door thrown shut, he stood up. his knees felt heavy, his chest was burning, his shoulder was throbbing in pain.

he looked into the mirror. his skin was beaten red and blue everywhere and his chest had big cuts from a blade or knife, he didn't remember. his shoulder was especially blue, the beating broke the skin and he was bleading. 

he walked over to his dresser and pulled out his first aid kit to take care of the wounds, before he went back to bed and pulled out a few books.

he may have felt physical horrible, but mentally, he was proud. fenrir had left, which meant the other three weren't in danger. remus had satisfied him enough to leave the others alone. 

when he took them in, fenrir had explained to them that they would get food, clothes, whatever they wanted, but the would have to pay by satisfying fenrir. he would be able to let out his anger and frustration on them, and it would be fair because he gave them what they needed. they where remus home.

at first, remus had thought he would stay for a week or so, but when he saw how badly the other three were suffering, he decided that maybe he could stay a few weeks. he texted marlene sometimes, reassuring her that he was fine and was spending time with his mother. 

he felt bad about lying to marlene, but his mother had been dead for a while now and he had saved the excuse for when he needed to get back home without marlene picking him up again quickly.

the weeks went past like a fever dream. remus got up, has breakfast with chiara ruby and jack. he was always closest to chiara, tried to avoid ruby and jack because they were tough and mean but since fenrir had been feeling bad they got soft from all the beating and other stuff that fenrir did to them.

then they would spent some time together, but mostly remus would stay in his room to read or play the guitar that still hung on his wall. fenrir had bought him his first guitar when he was 15. he said that playing an instrument would help him deal with any problems he had and it did. whenever remus would feel bad, he would play the guitar.

fortunaly, he was on christmas break too, so he didn't have to worry about going to courses or studying and even if he did, they were still in london and he would be able to go to university by a taxi. he only had one term left anyways.

his skin looked as worse as it did when he used to live there. new bruises and cuts and scars everywhere and there was no way of hiding them from the girls when he got home. he was only glad he didn't have to explain anything to sirius.

sirius

he hadn't thought about him ever since he came here, which was two weeks ago now. an emotion of sadness and longing for him. he didn't feel that way about marlene, or anybody else. he didn't miss anything, usually never did when he was at fenrirs. this was his home anyways, why would he miss anything?

but he missed sirius. he missed him horribly. 

and after two weeks, he cried for the first time. 

another week later, remus never stopped thinking about sirius. about his humor, the way he could make remus laugh, the way he hugged remus. he missed the grey eyes staring at him heavily. he missed the smell, he missed his comfort place.

he realized that sirius was his home.

he also realized that sirius wasn't his friend, not on remus side. he realized that he wanted not only to joke with sirius and watch movies together, he wanted to lay in his arms and kiss him. 

he never thought he could feel that way about anyone. he never thought he would actually want to be with someone, he never thought he would love someone.

but he did. he loved sirius. after 5 months of spending platonic time with him, he couldn't stop loving him.

his thoughts were interrupted by fenrir walking into the room and grabbing remus tightly. he felt his clothes getting stripped from him and for the first time in forever, he didn't fall in some sort of trance. he was sober all the way through. he felt the minutes of pain and he watched fenrir pull his pants back up and pull out a knife. he watched his skin slice up and the blood drop out of it. he watched fenrirs fist collide with remus skin, over and over again. he felt the old mans ring break remus skin. 

he felt everything, and for the first time, he hated the man in front of him. 

but he didn't hate chiara or jack or even ruby. he knew that through him they would live an easier life. fenrir had laid of on them since remus came, they barely got any punishments. they were also all way nicer to remus, since he got multiple every day just so they wouldn't suffer. everything was just like it used to be and he wouldn't even have the need to go home again if it weren't for sirius.

if marlene would march in, he would obviously go back with her. but she wouldn't. he had turned off his phone about a week ago, telling her it was getting really hard now. she wouldn't even suspect anything.

and there was no way he would get himself to go out of there. he had never been able to. he knew what fenrir did was bad, but it didn't feel that bad if he was in his bubble with chiara jack and ruby. he had lived here since he was 14 and fenrir was the one who got him away from his horrible father. 

it was his home.

but now there is this new hope in his mind. that hope was called sirius. he listened to songs that reminded him of sirius often and learned every single one on his guitar and played them wehenever fenrir left for work or to go drink. 

it was worst when he came home from drinking. 

whenever he would lay there for hours getting touched and cut and punched and all that stuff, he would only think of sirius, who meant home to him more than this place.


	8. Chapter 8

sirius:

it had been exactly one month since remus had left and all that happiness that he had developed over the 5 months they knew each other faded away quickly. he had fights with james, regardless of the fact that lily and james were engaged. 

they had celebrated with everyone and it was probably one of the only moments sirius had been happy in that last month. the day after, he went right back to lounging in his room all day and listening to records.

he also didnt go out with the rest of the friendgroup when they met, because it just reminded him of how much remus was missing.

last night, james had called him an idiot for falling for someone like remus, who wasn't even in the mental stability to date anyone. he had said that sirius was only breaking the whole friendgroup apart like he did with gideon. sirius had just screamed back that he wasn't falling for remus and that james was an asshole for mentioning gideon. he went to sleep after that and when he woke up he wasn't very thrilled to see james again.

but he had to do something. he had to see remus, even if only for a minute. sirius had tried to call him so many times but his phone didn't even ring anymore, it just went straight to voicemail. he has to talk to marlene at least to find out what on earth happened to him.

so he quickly got his keys and pulled on his leather jacket to run out and down to his motorcycle, from where he quickly drove over to the skateshop marlene worked in. he found her outside, smoking a cigarette.

„sirius? what're you doing here?" she asked as he got if his motorcycle and walked over to her.

„listen marls i need to talk to remus, can't you tell me where his ‚home' is? you've been there right?"

„wait a minute what? remus isn't back home he went to his sick mother remember?"

„yes yes, but he said he went home" 

„did he use the word home?" marlene looked utterly scared.

„yes! he said ‚i have to go home for a bit'" 

now marlenes face turned pale, she looked as if she was about to throw up. „now it all makes sense. i was so confused why he wanted to go to his mother, he hated that woman, i was sure he wouldn't even have cared if she died. oh my god he's been there over a month oh fuck, that's why he was so sad! oh for fucks sake who knows in what condition he is with all those bruises and no access to medication. last time he was there for so long his fucking hand was broken. it took months till it was fully healed oh fuck fuck fuck"

„marlene calm down! what the fuck are you talking about"

she turned to him, looking very serious.

„sirius, you have to listen to me. if i go now i'll lose my job, and i'm not only supporting me but partly also remus and i don't want both of us to land on the street. you have to drive to his ‚home' and ring the door. if a girl answers, just ask her if remus is there and if they don't want to answer, push them out of the way and go to the first door on the left. if a young boy opens, tell him marlene send you before doing the exact same thing, otherwise he might punch you. now if an old man answers, you have to tell him that remus called you to pick him up. then you can walk past him and into remus room. if anybody punches you or tries anything with you, you punch back but don't waist your time, just show them you're serious and you won't let yourself get pushed away. i don't know what state remus is in and i swear i would do it myself but i can't."

sirius stared at her, breathed in hard before saying „give me the address"

on the way there, his heart was pounding horribly loud. he didn't mind punching anybody, but the bullshit over there sounded like some complex and twisted household. plus marlene said that remus might be hurt. maybe that's where all the scars came from, and there were horribly many of them. 

his heart wasn't any slower as he walked to the door and ringed it. after a few seconds, a girl opened the door. she had black hair and was clothed in barely any clothing, showing off all the scars over her body. this is the right place, he thought

„is remus here?" 

her face turned into one of anger and disappointment, before she answered with „you're new, what happened to the girl with the short hair?"

„she's busy" 

„hm, interesting. you know, i knew that some stupid boy or girl would come and ‚safe remus and get him out of that hellhole' but did any of you ever think about the fact that he never leaves, but always gets dragged outside?" 

„listen, just let me get him and i'll be out of your way" 

she started talking again, but sirius finally noticed a guitar playing in the background and for the first time after a month, his heart quickend the way it always did when he was with remus.

he pushed her out of the way mindlessly and walked to where the noise came and he could actually hear remus sing quietly.

„alabama, arkansas, i do love my ma and pa   
not the way that i do love you. holy moley me oh my, you're the apple of my eye boy i never loved one like you. oh home let me come home. home is whenever i'm with you. oh home, let me come home. home is whenever i'm with you" 

sirius burst through the door to find remus laying on his bed, guitar in his hand. he had just played the last cord when he was picked up by sirius and hugged tightly.

„sirius" he breathed out. 

„remus" sirius felt like a wave of relieve washed over him.

as soon as he pulled away, he grabbed remus hand. 

„let's go, okay?"

remus looked out the room, where ruby was standing and looked at him expectant but then he looked back at sirius and smiled weakly.

„okay" he said.

he grabbed his phone and left the room, his hand still in sirius, grabbing it tightly. they walked past three people who looked in remus age and stared at him sadly. „bye remus" the girl with the blonde hair said, but the others just stood there silent. „i'm sorry, but he seemed better, yea? i've only been punished twice a day now" 

sirius quickly pulled him out the house and over to the motorcycle, where remus grabbed onto sirius tightly as sirius drove them to his appartement. 

when they finally arrived, james and lily looked more surprised than they ever did. „i'll explain later" he said as he dragged remus to his room. they're hands were intertwined again.

when he closed the door, he finally turned to remus again. „please explain to me what on earth happened." he said, while letting go of remus hand as they sat down. remus quickly grabbed it again and held it tightly. „please?" he whispered. „o-of course, okay" the hand holding may have been horrible for sirius, since it made it way too hard for him to keep his emotions cooled down but if remus needed, of course it he would do it.

„um, so when i was a kid, i had a bad disease and my parents didn't have the energy to take care of me, so they didnt. i didn't get food nor any medication of that sort, and by 14 i was living on the street. one day, this man, an old friend of my father walked past me and recognized me. after telling him what had happened, he immediatly suggested i lived with him, since he had just taken in one other girl who lived on the street, the girl with the black hair, since he had a big house and made enough money. i got there and for the first week, everything was perfect. he liked me a lot since he knew me all my life and i guess since i was the gender he preferred. after that one week where i had started feeling perfectly at home and happy as id ever been, he came home drunk and started explaining to me how since i had no way of paying him, i had to pay back in a way that would satisfy him. he beat me that night for the first time, saying he would have to let out his anger at someone. later he started doing um, something else, saying he had sexual frustration and needed to let it out on who he could. at some point he started using knifes because he said he liked it when there was a lot of blood. at first it was only me, but then he started doing it to ruby too because one person was too boring. ruby didn't see it the way i did, she had it worse than i do i suppose so she was willing to do anything. she looks up to the man. a few years later the other boy and girl came as well. the other girl hated the punishment, but she needed the house and the food, and the boy also looked up to the man. i just didn't see any way out until marlene got me out of there like i told you. lately, the man had some sort of problems to deal with and he was letting a lot of the punishment out on the three others, who started contacting me and asking me to come over so they would be harmed less, and so i did and he stopped touching them. he only focused on me for the last month." 

sirius stared at him in disbelief. he felt as if he were in a movie, a book, whatever. he never thought stuff like that would happen in real life. he had been beaten as a kid, he thought those were real problems, but getting raped and cut and beaten? that was unbelievably messed up, that he had to wrap remus in another tight hug.

„i'm so so sorry moony. i'll look after you now, you won't ever have to go there. if you want we can figure something out for the other three as well, i'll do anything moony but promise me you'll never go there ever again."

remus looked into his eyes, tears flowing down. „if you promise to never ever leave me" 

sirius pulled him into another hug whispering. „i won't, i promise i'll never leave you. never ever" 

a few more hugs and crying promises, he put on the shower for remus in his bathroom, before walking out to james and lily, who were sitting in the living room and immediately sprung up when he got out.

„james, can you get a pair of joggers and a hoodie? mine won't fit remus" james quickly nodded and jumped up, as sirius sat down holding his head in his hands.

„what on earth happened?"

„um h-he had some messed up family who um who kicked him out and then he lived with this man, who beat him and raped him and cut him and he just spend the last month back there so the man wouldn't rape the other kids to death" sirius couldn't even hold back the tears, and he saw lily tear up as well as she pulled him into a hug quickly. 

james came back with the clothes and looked even more shocked now that he saw his fiancée and best friend crying.

sirius stood up and grabbed the clothes. „can you t-tell him?" he asked lily.

she nodded and he quickly walked back into the room again. the shower was still on so he decided to put the clothes into the bathroom before opening a window and pulling out a cigarette.

he broke down into tears once more while smoking until remus came out, dressed in james clothes.

remus saw the tears on sirius face and quickly pulled him into another hug. „please don't cry" he whispered. 

sirius just held onto remus tighter.


	9. Chapter 9

remus: 

remus was jumping between living in his flat and sleeping over at sirius on a daily basis. he hadn't told sirius about the way he feels. he wasn't going to either, since sirius didn't want to date and remus wasn't so sure himself if he wanted to.

he only wanted to be near sirius all the time which thankfully sirius seemed to want too.

he was currently walking into the flat, where james and sirius were sitting on the couch.

„i just never thought she would propose to you" sirius said.

„why not? i mean she always took the man role in everything, wouldn't be confused if she asked me to wear the dress so she can wear the tuxedo"

„what're you talking about?" remus sat down next to sirius.

„moooony" sirius was, as always, way too happy to see him and hugged him tightly.

„about lily's proposal" 

„ah right, i actually planned that with her" 

the two boys stared at remus shocked.

„you KNEW? YOU DIDNT TELL ME?" sirius stared at remus.

„are you fucking serious?" james said.

remus grinned. „not yet" 

„what" james said confused.

„what" sirius looks at remus shocked.

„what" remus grinned even wider, before he stood up and quickly winked at sirius. 

as he walked to the kitchen, he heard sirius say „please tell me you just saw that" and james just answering „saw what?" 

remus chuckled to himself. he knew that would make sirius a bit shaken up for the next few hours.

his phone ringed and when he went to check the message, he heard the door open and someone walking inside.

whatsapp:

ruby: chiaras arm is broken thanks to you

sirius leaned over to read the message and remus was quick enough to turn his phone off.

„who texted you?" he looked at remus confused. „nobody" he said, moving to the fridge and looking for something to drink.

„why did you turn your phone off? i always look at your texts" sirius said, leaning over to remus so he would look into his eyes. remus closed the fridge again and turned away

„its nobody" he said as he walked out the kitchen, but sirius followed him suit, so he went to sirius room.

„moony who the fuck texted you?" sirius slammed the door shut, and remus jumped a bit. 

„calm down, damn" remus said, a bit angry himself now.

„no i won't calm down till you show me the fucking texts! is it someone your seeing? of course it is, who else would i not be allowed to see. why didn't you tell me?" sirius moved to remus quickly and stood in front of him. in any other situation, remus would've found it amusing how sirius tried to look tough even though he was 4 inches smaller than him.

„woah, what the fuck? first of all, why on earth would i not tell you if i would be seeing any one, second why do you care that much?" he walked towards sirius himself now.

„because you left for a month and showed up all bruised and bloodied up! i'm worried about you because you always get yourself in a ton of shit"

„well it's none of youre fucking business in what kind of shit i get myself, is it?"

„what? i thought i meant something to you? of course it's my fucking business we're friends!" sirius looked hurt now, but remus was too mad to feel sorry, especially at the mention of friends.

„of course we're friends, and that's all we're ever gonna be and it's tearing me apart and i can't fucking do this shit anymore!" remus backed away now.

„what are you talking about?"

„are you that stupid sirius? how could you have not noticed? all i though about when i was there was that i had you and that maybe just maybe you would feel the same way that i feel about you and that's what made me keep going every day but now it just feels like all those dreams were bullshit and everything is just fucking bullshit." remus knew he was shouting now, he knew that he probably just ruined everything. he also knew that sirius eyes were ripped open and he was trying to process what he just said.

remus immediately wanted to leave but when he started walking to the door a pair of rough hands grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down.

and then he felt a pair of lips on his.

he immediately kissed him back and wrapped his hands around sirius waist

and finally, he held him the way he wanted to hold him all this time and he felt his full lips on his.

it felt like everything was right, like everything was falling into its place. his body was buzzing with energy and he just held and held and kissed and kissed sirius until he couldn't breath.

finally, they broke apart, gasping for air. 

„how on earth could you ever think that i didn't feel this way about you when i've been wanting to do this ever since i first saw you.

remus could do nothing but kiss him again in response.

„you did?" he asked in between kisses. 

„yes, always" 

„one question" sirius said after a few more kisses. „you said not yet and winked at me, didn't you?" 

remus just grinned, before he kissed him again. 

they finally layed down in bed, exhausted from all the kissing and all those emotions. 

„so, you wanna tell the others? because i was thinking we'd keep it a secret for a bit longer because everyone was bugging us about being in love when we first met" sirius said.

„yea, good idea. im not in the mood for all the ‚i told you so's although i'm glad they were right" remus said, wrapping his arm around sirius waist tighter.

he was sure sirius could hear how hard his heart was beating, since he was laying on his chest, but right now, he couldn't care less.


End file.
